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You are like a warm south wind, stirring thoughts of the Western Isles. Knowing we have no destined connection, yet we meet; knowing there's no outcome, yet we love. Life is filled with both joy and sorrow. In that year, I was young and frivolous; you, gentle and beautiful. The most casual glance from you left me enchanted. Though many years have passed, the memory lingers.
If possible, I wish we had never met.
That day, for some reason, maybe the snowscape was too beautiful, maybe... the tranquil lake of my heart, disrupted by you, stirred up a storm once again. I've hidden you deep in my heart, afraid to easily engage in thoughts of you. Thoughts of you erode my heart, all because of deep love.
Why does the fate continue? However, this is not the love I desire. Originally, you were my most beautiful dream, but alas, the dream has shattered. For many years, I've been gambling, sinking into hell, losing both love and you. I've wanted to quit gambling; until July and August of this year, I was still playing and lost more than 50,000. September, which I thought would be my highlight, turned out to be a low point. Fortunately, I am gradually recovering, but your presence disrupts the tranquility I've found.
To grow old with your true love is the most beautiful kind of love, but alas...
In this period without gambling, I've returned to the ordinary. In the days without you, though I may appear calm, there's always a lake of unfulfilled longing in my heart, a lingering ache.
You've gone far away, so why return? Already forgotten, yet the thoughts return.
Hmm, during this period without gambling, money still comes and goes. Of course, it's only spent on necessary aspects of life, not like gambling losses that feel worse than throwing it into the water. In these days without gambling, there are no great joys of winning substantial amounts nor the deep sorrows of losing everything. The emotions are very calm. No excitement when winning, no trepidation when losing. The sky remains blue, the clouds remain white—everything is so beautiful. Although there are still debts, as long as I don't gamble, it's not considered a problem.
Now my troubles are not with gambling but with love. I don't know where to go from here.
Alas~ only in the next life can I have the most beautiful love with her.
So vexed, if only I had known, why did we meet. |
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